your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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