I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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