I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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