So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
