yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
