Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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