During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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