so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
