He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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