Im at strip club and am horny
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
