do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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