Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
