Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
