I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
