my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
