the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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