I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
