thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
what day is it and did you see me today?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
being pregnant is like rehab
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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