her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
