So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
