I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
