Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
