Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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