At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
