you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
