its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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