All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
