my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
