He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
