I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
