what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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