I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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