tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
