I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
