the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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