I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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