im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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