you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We got so high we made milksteak
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
