just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
