What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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