dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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