i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
