I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
