remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
