Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
