ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
