so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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