i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
