Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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