Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Everything about him screamed your future.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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