is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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