If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
